“Guard over your thinking, for it becomes actions. Your actions slowly turn into your habits. Over time, your habits shape your character. And in the end, your character becomes your destiny. If you want to change your destiny, change your thinking.” (p. 13)

Ever been inspired by an unhappy person? Think about it. Kevin Horsley and Louis Fourie have thought about happiness and share perceptions and tips we may use daily. Their book, subtitled A Simple Guide to Living a Happier Life Starting Today is essentially a happiness how-to-guide that explores the mindset of happy people and suggests how we may routinely apply these findings.

E2L | Leadership Philosophy

The authors initially connect perceptions of happiness to a scarcity, or victim mindset:

[Most people] believe happiness is an external phenomenon
that crosses your path and changes your life (p. 3)…

When we ask for feedback regularly, a key attribute of living our Personal Leadership Philosophy, how many of these attributes (p. 12) of happy people do others see in us?

• They think in a different way
• They assume full responsibility for their circumstances
• They enjoy simple things more
• They own up to their future
• They are passionately engaged in what they do for a living
• They invest in their overall wellness
• They have constructive relationships
• They harness an optimistic world view
• They accept that happiness is a day-to-day effort

Or put another way, how many of these qualities are reflected in your leadership philosophy? Passion, wellness, optimism and working on these traits daily – may be thought of as forms of exercise. Not surprisingly Horsley and Fourie find that happy people are energy-rich (pp. 13-14), and likely know what their preferred Energize2Lead (E2L) colors are, spending most of their time in that preferred dimension. What is the most telling characteristic of happiness (p. 16)? The authors believe gratitude is the likely answer.

In contrast, unhappy people spend their lives in survival mode, exhausting themselves by framing life as a win-lose experience, defending themselves against illusionary enemies, and responding in some forceful way to these fears (p. 27). Think about people you know who spend a lot of time in their instinctive E2L dimension. Imagine the friend or relative who always seems to long for the next thing, which will invariably be better than the current situation. When they are at work, they want to retire. When they are retired, they want to work (p. 29). We actually had language for this thinking in the military, such as FIGMO, or Finally I Got My Orders, of course presuming the next assignment had to be better than the current one. We should watch out for and minimize these Ten Unhappiness Traps:

• Look for the hurt in things
• Find the enemy in others
• A poor-me attitude
• A craving for validation
• Compare and compete
• Upsizing life’s imperfections
• Dramatizing your past
• Conditional love
• Trying to change someone
• Fear-casting the future

Leadership Application

A nine-day stint in an Intensive Care Unit (ICU) several years ago led to the addition of “Live in the glory of the day” within my leadership philosophy. The authors similarly advise: Turn your days into thanksgivings (p. 44).

Recall the Setting Leadership Priorities workshop. What are your highest payoff activities (HPAs)? Horsley and Fourie recommend owning more of our diaries and questioning our schedules (p. 45). What activities should be added to your important and not urgent quadrant?

Recall that good coaching mostly comes down to active listening and asking good questions. The authors describe non-forceful ways with the best chance of influencing someone’s behavior (p. 51):

• Share valuable information
• Listen non-judgmentally
• Answer questions objectively
• Change what you expect from him
• Change the way you respond to her
• Encourage him
• Recognise her achievements
• Not allowing him to become dependent on your resources, availability, and sympathy

Consider how these eight behaviors correlate to sharing information (or knowledge) and going a bit further, perhaps extending such usage to professional networking. Notice that the focus is primarily on the other person, not just what we want.

Journaling, or capturing positive affirmations, is an excellent way for sustaining leadership growth. The authors find a similar pattern -- that happy people have a constructive inner voice (p. 58). Over time, such habits transform the nature of what we are doing. Work is not just work. Play is not just play. We don’t just occupy a position – we become the product, the brand (p. 67).

Years ago, a wise advisor and friend shared his retirement planning process. It was fascinating. He didn’t want to become another person who stopped working and dropped dead in six months likely due to lack of purpose. Horsley and Fourie prudently urge:

If you are in the second half of your life, live until your last day. Continue to challenge your mind. Stay valuable. Choose to never retire from intellectual stimulation and spiritual meaning (p. 74).

Summary

In our three-day Academy Leadership Excellence Courses, day one focuses on self-knowledge and day two focuses on knowing others. Or, once you have a solid relationship with yourself, your focus should preferably move to those sharing your intimate space with you (p. 91). Take the time to become happy.

Your most important insights emerge when you
afford yourself reflective space. (p. 94)

JE | March 2020