Between Grief and Grit | Book Review

“Someone's watching for your glow. Shine it into your home,
your team, your community. Be the steady beam that
helps someone else find their next best step in the dark." (p. 114)

Brooke Britain's penetrating personal story, subtitled A Flashlight for Leaders Navigating the Dark, demonstrates the power of an authentic leadership philosophy. Take a look at the detailed acknowledgements starting on page 115 first, as it's clear Britain gathers stories from all chapters of her life.

An effective Personal Leadership Philosophy, or PLP, is one that speaks from the heart and exposes vulnerability. Britain's PLP is grounded in what she calls

The Warrior's Triangle: The grit to fight, the people to hold the line beside you, and the faith to believe you're not fighting alone (pp. 1-2).

This review makes the case that the three sections of Between Grief and Grit, through a range of heartfelt stories, inform us what Britain's philosophy is,  and more importantly, how it was forged.

The Light

To Britain, leadership means being present. This means overcoming self-doubt when we don't have all the answers. What feels monstrous, terrifying, and overwhelming in the dark is often just misunderstood in the light -- distorted, magnified, or stripped of its true form (p. 19). Leadership is not about us. You're expected to be the strong one and carry other's people's grief, steady the ship, and show up like you're OK -- even when you're not (p. 33).

Strong feelings of combat guilt haunted Britain for a long time. If I had just feels noble because it mimics accountability (p. 26). After deep reflection, she realized Should have and Could have do not exist. I no longer carry If I had just as my story. I carry the truth. I was there. I did my best. I loved. And that is enough (p. 27). She's sharing what others can expect of her as a leader.

One of Britain's operating principles is to reconnect when disruption occurs. Reconnection begins the same way disconnection did -- quietly, one choice at a time (p. 42).

• One honest conversation.
• One moment of eye contact.
• One act of service.
• One small display of gratitude.

The Dark

Britain correlates negativity and danger with the dark and was trained to look for it. Instead of seeing all the good things I could enjoy around me, I started seeing threats first. In Iraq, that wiring kept me alive. At home, it kept me braced for impact in rooms where there was no actual danger (p. 51). What was necessary in Iraq wasn't helpful in civilian life.

Negativity bias will try to convince you that every unknown shape is an enemy. But the more you turn on the light, the more you realize half the things your feared were never coming for you in the first place (p. 55).

A good way to describe a PLP is our own compass. Britain realized her compass is determined by her attitude and values (p. 59), and that we each have agency. Attitude is about deliberately choosing (p. 60):

• Gratitude over cynicism
• Courage over fear
• Service before self
• Optimism over pessimism
• Hope over despair
• Belief over doubt
• Encouragement over discouragement 

One of hers core values is Integrity: Something I protect, something I maintain, something I repair (p. 71). It's a work in progress, reflecting our imperfect human condition.

Britain's four S's (pp. 79-80), may be considered her daily priorities:

• Sweat
• Spirit
• Substance
• Sleep 

The Fight

While overcoming cancer, Britain comes to understand how overarching her core value of optimism has become:

She's aligned with Dr. Jim Brennan (p. 91):

"Relentless optimism is a response to adversity that
can be both highly aggressive and stubbornly positive.
The purpose of life is to go forward."

Optimism is not fuzzy, amorphous, or squishy. For too long, we've confused toughness with tension and grit with grimness (p. 95).

That's why optimism isn't a soft skill. It's a combat skill. (p. 96)

Similar to Anders Ericsson in Peak, Britain deliberately moves ahead. The way to win is the sum of continuously taking the next best action again and again -- after failure, after mistake, after loss (p. 111).

Summary

Britain has essentially composed her PLP from the heart. It's a reminder that we should do the same, capturing our deepest, most authentic stories.

"Most people never stand in a combat zone. Most leaders never carry
a rifle. But every leader knows what it is like to have people
counting on them when they're running on fumes." (p. xii)

Thank you Brooke for sharing both your book and your personal story.